Oct. 31 on the front page Onet appeared alert for the relationships between the public transport. It related to a large extent as old as the history of transportation dilemma sit / step down, but also treat the unpleasant, even aggressive reactions of older people "that today's youth."
For me, this article was special primarily in the context of assertiveness.
I will not, however, analyzed the responses of seniors in the context of respect for their own and the rights of others because it usually gives nothing - these seniors to remain polite, vulgar and violent for some, no one can convince to do anything.
I want us to look at how to cope when we meet with personalnymi attacks, because from experience I know that no matter how old you are called "gówniarzami" usually zapowietrzamy is to share the belief enters "old age - wisdom , youth - głupiość "and simply fall silent - allowing others to just for the sake of difference in social security numbers in the first-in could spill us their frustrations.
way of example, we described in the entry is the most shocking reaction to the seniors in pregnancy ( http://www.blog.pl/artykuly/rozklada-taka-nogi-a-potem-siadac-chce, 47.1 )
"I kid you did not do that," The forest is so gówniara with just anyone, then he wants to take the place of an older person "," Decomposes this leg, and then wants to sit " " Not only that, we took our seats, pretending not to hear, it's still sk *** is a " - these are just some examples already mentioned attacks.
examples not so much shocking as well as requiring attention. very different reactions, not only translate into the atmosphere continue their journey, but also on your mood and your health.
Traditionally, so let's discuss the possible reactions, as well as their advantages and limitations.
Let us so ago how can you keep meeting with the offensive reactions.
- first possible response would be passive response showing your respect for others, which receives you with respect to each other. You can in fact hear "Decomposes this leg, and then wants to sit down," actually pretend not to hear, and may gain some peace, however, you will certainly be sorry you feel offended and hurt. That's not all. By choosing this strategy not only to give the offense, but you can be angry at yourself that you did not nothing. He wished he did not want you to ask yourself "what right anyone could call me that?" But the answer you really will not do anything.
- You can also consider that you will not let so treated and regarded the attack as the need to ensure their rights. At any price. The attack may cause in you aggression. You could say what you think about it, the caller can be called "cham", "The effectiveness ... .. I," you can work off their anger physically. By choosing this strategy will surely take care of their rights. No, I will not write about in this situation, respecting the rights of others because these examples are for me so shocking that I'm not going to take them into account. Because this is not the rights of others are important, more important will be consequences. If someone has allowed himself in this way to call a pregnant woman just because its rightful place I'm afraid to think what to do when it is called "The effectiveness .... I '. I do not recommend so. I do not recommend more that anger will hit you also.
- Alternatively, in the interests of their rights to use others to do so, you can keep the manipulacyjnie , commenting on the behavior of the voice of "aggressor" or reaction of fellow passengers - you heard? "," I wonder if his own daughters to be such a return? "," of course, no one moves to help a pregnant woman. "Maybe someone moves, although it can also throw in your two cents. Everything will depend on who are your fellow passengers. Even when they are favorable to the bus unleash the real storm, which damage your emotions.
You can also select four strategy and behave assertively , take care of their own rights, by showing his class.
class so I treat someone with respect, no respect for you an expression of the class.
But not only that, it is also to take care of you, that care about you.
first step of your assertive action should therefore be to describe what you feel. description of your emotions is a party to the information on the impact of its activities, but not only. This step is primarily care for you. Talking out loud about what causes the attack you mentioned you have control over what you feel. Want a guarantee that you will not be embarrassed because milczałaś, you are guaranteed not to tell something that will turn against you.
- I'm sorry,
- hurts ...
- I do not know what to say ....
- hit me ...
That's not all. Description of your emotions should be associated with a description of behavior of the other side. This step is an expression of your class. The more and the more objectively describe the behavior of the other hand, the more you are guaranteed the effectiveness of its action. Even if you consider the behavior of a fellow boorish beware of generalizations, beware of the evaluation because this always leads to a discussion and this is not your goal.
- I'm sorry if you asks me this way ..
- hurt me by what you said ...
- I do not know what to say, because it hurt me by what you said ...
- hit me what you said ...
Although my fascination with assertiveness, in this case, I doubt, however, said that the other party automatically "sorry" just because "you're sorry" (although others will hear it. A support other subsidiaries will be just on your reaction. ), So I will need your further action.
Assertiveness is teaching others how we want to be treated so your next step should be to describe precisely what you want in return. Say what you want and wait przekazałaś in this manner, the other side.
- I do not want to asked the Lord to me that way!
- expect an apology from the Lord.
Now go ahead and pay attention to the reaction of the other side. It can work, can you hear "excuse me" can not work and you'll have to use a step further.
If someone attacks you continue to use the support and tell me what would you do if you do not stop.
Announce the caller's problem which is the consequence of his actions.
- Where will you continue to insult me, I'll be forced to ask the driver for help.
Yes, ask the driver for help because that under the rules of most transport companies is able to remove disruptive passenger on the bus (see eg Chapter II, § 11 Rules of carriage of persons and luggage by means of local transport collective in the capital city of Warsaw). Announce a problem of wait-and-sanction.
If you hear "excuse me" to achieve its goal, but if someone does not respond you must be consistent and do what zapowiedziałaś earlier.
Otherwise nobody will respect you do not.
Make a decision and act so precisely because it is assertiveness.
PS: If you have an interesting situation about which you would like more assertive action model, please send me information on the contact (a ) Bart-stolarczyk.pl - I'm happy to help you describe it on his blog (I assure you complete discretion.)
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