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Assertiveness in practice: Respect for their rights: Free passage between the tables

Consider now another situation which requires us to assertiveness, the true Assertiveness - a fair balance of our rights and the rights of others.

purposely write about truth and honesty because they want to cite an example is an example of a particular - concerns the assertiveness against the disabled.

's move so in a particular scene.

Restaurant, Bar, Café, McDonald's, etc. At one table sits a woman with a disability. Spheres, which moves lie on the floor in such a way that the handle / backrest of one of them tarasuje transition. Customers who pass by the table, tripping over balls.

What to do?

Exactly what to do? Traditionally, the disposal you have a few tools. Traditionally, they will vary by your own attitude to the rights and the rights of your caller, in this case disabled clients.

This time, however, I want us to have expanded our discussion, I want us to adopt a different perspective and played by the different roles.

Let us discuss this example from the perspective of the customer who just must pass by the table, and which for example, carries a tray with hot drinks / meals (call it the client with a tray), the employer's restaurant and the prospect of another customer sitting at the table.

customer with a tray

carry the tray with hot drinks, suddenly stumble nearly dropping from her hands. You find that potknąłeś by bullets disabled woman sitting at a table at which you almost do not you fall over. Your eyes meet.

Your reaction will be crucial. As usual, you have a choice. So you can:

1. squeeze out of myself a quick excuse, add "most" and start blaming that you were so myopic that it fell upon the idea to get around this transition. If you choose this option will keep the passively. Forget about his abortive wrongs and the rights of your interlocutor, because of its dysfunctions and your beliefs will be elevated to the nth power. To the detriment of you and him.
2. However, you can very well remember that you could just fall. You should be aware of "equality" and the need to respect the rules, which are for everyone. You can kick the ball as you kick someone's backpack or a leg. If you do this is certainly not a victim of his own convictions about the absolute concessionary fare for the disabled. But keep aggressively. certainly stand in defense of their rights, forgetting the rights of others. Balls that zatarasowały you do not have to go Yet to be arranged so specifically. They could simply fail, because everyone has the right to something not yet seen
3. You can also look to meeting with the caller take the warm smile, add "nothing happened" and just around the corner like Adam Miałczyński utter to myself " k. .. and even with these children j ... ... " replacing" children "," balls ". If you choose this option will keep the manipulacyjnie . In the face of confrontation opt out of their own rights in the face of confrontation will be important your image. When you pass the risk of confrontation will only be remembered for his wrongs.

But you can keep up assertively. You may remember their own right, can you remember about the rights of others.

order to be effective, remember to respect the three-step technique for your rights.

first recognize their own rights and the rights of your interlocutor.

you have little time, but you need to decide, and decisions are always relate to your beliefs. worth so that they are fair - for all.

Answer the questions: "Can I have the right to draw attention to a disabled person, if its action could harm me? Is my interviewee has the right to the error? ".

Secondly, know what you want, know what is your goal, bearing in mind what was the goal before it was a problem because it will allow you to operate effectively.

Third act. Please note the caller, having regard to his right to an error (because ball could always just fall), taking into account their right to normal transition.

"Excuse me lady, unless you fell down the ball, I could push you a little bit because I can not go?".

So say I'm sorry, but no one is sorry because in Polish sorry use not only when we feel guilty for something ( "I'm sorry, but I forgot to do that" ), even if we use it When you want to attract attention ( "I'm sorry, how to get to the Square of Three Crosses" ).

also say thank you when you reach your goal for next assertiveness and politeness counts.

restaurant worker

You are an employee of the restaurant. You notice that one of the pass between the tables is obstructed ball disabled clients.

Here, too, have multiple outputs.

1. You assume that the situation is awkward because Patron is disabled and for their own comfort deliberately not to notice. If you choose this option will keep the passively. Your passivity, however, we get your customers and you can always want to ask you for help, and then you will surely be more difficult
2. so you can mention the interests of other clients ask for a transfer or change of the ball. You might even be polite, but if you do not take into account the rights of the caller (the right to error) to keep aggressively. More important will be the amount, will become more important to others.
   
3. You can also care for themselves and clients to offer Klientce other place saying that it is more convenient, or that a bullet can destroy. If you do not mention, however, about what is the real reason (blocking of the transition) to keep manipulacyjnie . Hide its purpose, which your correspondent can not notice it. What will you do after you hear that "balls are old," a selected position is favorite.

You can also keep up assertively, using a procedure known to you. Include Therefore, we have the right (and the rights of your clients), and the rights of the caller.

"Excuse me lady, unless you fell down the ball, please, because its shift tarasuje transition. Thank you. "

customer at another table

are Customer restaurants. You sit at a table next to the ball crossing zatarasowanego disabled Clients. Other customers every move tripping over the ball. But do not say nothing, or mutter something under his breath. The accident (slip plus hot coffee!) Are missing very little.

So you have several options.

1. You sit saying nothing, hoping that someone finally responded. Choosing this option will keep the passively. Outweigh the rights of others. Here, however, is not just about the law. Others may in fact respond, but they can also behave passively. But you'll never know what happens. Slip on a bullet can cause a storm, which also you will associate. Slip on a bullet can cause overturning of hot coffee, which you will also associate.
2. So you can for the sake of themselves to draw attention to a woman. "Ms. Mrs. move the ball, just someone to fall and flood my coffee" . Choosing this option will keep the aggressive , stand in defense of their rights, forgetting about the other, because the ball as you remember forever could yet fail.
3. assuming you so hearty and full of smile care interject, "Just someone you destroy a ball, people now do not look at your feet" hiding their goal by hiding their intentions. You can reach your goal, and no one you do not flood the coffee, but you can also hear that the balls are old and "that today's youth for nothing and looking for anything there is no respect" . The only question here is whether you mean?

You can also behave assertively, speaking openly about his intentions, take into account the rights of others and their own.

"Excuse me lady unless she fell round you if you can bear it, because I'm afraid that someone will stumble and flooded me coffee." "Thank you."

Easy, right?

not only easy and important.

Years ago I was a teen with one friend on visits to her colleague at the Center for Child Health. When we went to the hospital was just a friend in the common room with other patients, so we started to `greet with everyone giving a hand. I reached out to one of the girls, and she gave me her stump, he had no right hand. Then I felt confused, but it was just my confusion, confused, which for her was also uncomfortable. For some preferred to be simply a grace, a girl from the others simply feel at ease, and not someone with whom he had a guilty conscience because he has hands.

Assertiveness is equal, true, because walking on spheres is a feature that is sure difficult to walk, but should not be reduced fare, because when you treat someone with compassion - are not equal.

Assertiveness is about being fair to yourself and others.

23 and 24 November 2009 launched 1943 edition of my assertiveness training and personal development training that teaches how to respect themselves and others.

are cordially invited to www.bartlomiej-stolarczyk.pl/asertywnosc

PS: If you have an interesting situation about which you would like more assertive action model, please send me information on the contact (s) Bart-stolarczyk.pl - I'm happy to help you describe it on his blog (I assure you complete discretion.)