Brent Everett Con Brent Corrigan En School

Tell me what you think about Noblu Peace and I'll tell you who you are!

few days ago I went on the night ride a scooter. I will not say it was cold, the thermometer showed 0 ° C and wind gusts will inevitably point to ending the season motorcycle. I must admit - to notice.

I stand at the crossroads next to me stopped the man in the car and how it is to meet our gaze. This looks at me, probably looks at the thermometer in your car then looking at me, knocking my head.

smiled, because I really pity people who only right ideas to life.

smiled, for behold, this little gesture also inspired me. It reminded me to be a similar reaction to something that still does not want to have impact - emotional, very emotional, never mind that without a goal - the main thing that the sender enhancing their value.

October 9, 2009 Barack Obama received the Nobel Peace Prize, and how rarely that actually sparked absolute compliance Internet posts. In onetowskiej poll 84% of respondents considered the Nobel committee decision is incorrect.

Compliance beliefs differ, however, in terms of their form of expression, showing the level of competence "assertive expression of criticism" among Internet users. Unfortunately

low.

I say "unfortunately" because usually the most emotional comments hurt themselves commenters. The form has yet to express emotions affect the way they live, affect their intensity also affects our perception of from others.

Let us, therefore, ways of expressing criticism because it may thus find it easier to recognize your own style. No matter what you think Peace Noblu for Obama.

There are four ways to express their beliefs. Their distribution as in the case of other skills make up a set called assertive attitude to differentiate between their own rights (the right to have their own opinion), and the rights of others (decision-making and take responsibility for the consequences of those decisions).

And so in the context of the Nobel Prize for Obama could accept 4 styles express criticism:

Style passive - passive style is a message containing the message "You're alright, I'm not okay" which in practice is revealed variability in our opinion. But the Internet is not the place for passivity, because anonymity allows yet to feel okay, so things by force of passivity was not.

This adds up to very optimistic.

aggressive style - aggressive style is a message containing the message " You're not fine, I'm fine" , which in practice takes the form of personal attacks, insults other labeling. Anonymity allows you to feel okay, so you can forget about the others.

were many examples, and each subsequent point to a black and white vision of a world in which only one party may be right.

Here are some of them:

Being black , unhappy and Nobel homosiem already in his pocket. Ass licking imperatorom has a long history. dealer box in the chapter awards unless too much old ramoli sitting because I have no idea who to give awards. Today shame to be Norwegian!, It's not a sensation-a scandal! For what this clown got the Nobel Prize?

manipulative style - style of manipulating the message containing the message " thanks to you, I am more in order" , which in practice takes the form of ridicule, shaming, comparing the other hand, and is about to self-esteem.

Here too there were many examples showing that while we're on something we lose (the decision of the Nobel Committee is far from our expectations), we use this fact to strengthen its position, that's normal valuing, because creativity is after all for the price.

Here are some examples:

Prize for Obama can only be compared to new single Chylińska. Both events are equally absurd. This year, two things have lost their previous value: national mourning and the Nobel Prize. I suggest the following year candidacy superman. He not only had in the plans, but also personally saved the world. Sam saw in a movie. The next room for Kononowicz! With great vision and hope for a world without bandyctwa, biurokractwa and lachmactwa. Whew! Well, that did not get it Cichopek Barry! Nobel Peace as well able to get the clan or Rysiek Doda, but why Obama? Optimally, it would be if he were in addition to a homosexual, then the bank would like an Oscar for good measure. Saba dog should get, but that does not bitten 460 members as he could, and I ask where were the parents?

assertive style - assertive style is a message containing the message "You're okay and I'm okay," , which in practice means respect for the other party while maintaining his own, different opinion.

Surprisingly, despite the anonymity of the Internet, some commenting able to maintain respect for the Nobel committee and present their own different view.

Some Examples:

for what I do not understand the merits of Obama got the Nobel Prize, for reasons given in my opinion is not reliable. Returning to the topic, the fact that Obama does not deserve this award, is just wait, or it will force him to take the S peacekeeping operations, or use the situation in a negative way. Irena Sendler for saving the children during the Second World War, Nobel not get ... Obama gets it now, appearing on the international scene two years ago ... Strange and sad.

And you, which style is closest to?

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How NOT to persevere when, or how to deal with the pressure?

We can not agree to this - sounded a short, uncertain position of a group of engineers.

How? It's absurd. I do not even want to hear about it - was a short emotional reaction on the other hand, the reaction which followed was so obvious concession.

Apparently not much, yet every day someone gives to someone to see disappear.

much. Because I can not really worth to argue.

But only sometimes. This time was different.

Said a group of engineers were engineers from Morton Thiokol company that supplies engines for the space shuttles, and their initial reaction of concern off the space shuttle Challenger.

position related to risk of rejection damage rings in engines, which could cause a catastrophe.

not have been wrong.

So what if succumbed to pressure - by accepting the position of their superiors, what, when yielded their unhealthy beliefs about relationships with clients.

28 January 1986 Challenger space shuttle in 73 seconds of his 10 missions split up in the air, and suffered the death of the whole crew.

Challangera tragedy has once again demonstrated that it could be right does not mean anything.

matters is that when it endure.

Challenger tragedy has also become an example of permanently inscribing itself into everyday teaching business schools worldwide. Example, the Challenger has become a case study discussed in the class of engineering ethics, communication and decision making.

Why write about this?

I move that this tragic example of just wanting to use it as a case study. I want to use this tragic experience for all of us easier to take care of our interests, thus making a tribute to the victims of the disaster.

We will not look at the ethics of engineering, decision-making or communication. Because I want us to look at how to effectively deal with the pressure.

could be very long to dwell on the Morton Thiokol engineers why they changed their position, as the cause could indicate also present in the Polish business realities argue for the necessity of absolute obedience to superiors and clients. It could, however, the reasons are generally little to do with tools. So I want to

cause of this incident we have linked to the skills because the only way this tragedy could have educational character. Paying attention to the ability to allow us to ask the question HOW.

Morton Thiokol engineers, despite the evident reason of missing tools.

Morton Thiokol engineers were able to say no - they did not know, however, meeting the emotional reaction of their superiors, as to persevere with NO, they could not cope with the pressure.

How to persevere in NO?

And if you happened once or refuse somebody something and then be influenced by his arguments?

probably more than once.

Say No is not that difficult, but it is harder for him to persevere.

much harder to endure when someone starts to belittle your decision ( You can not be so assertive, do not you know it's unfashionable ) attack you (j estes selfish, and I've done so much for you ), to persuade you to change your mind ( help me just this last time ), or openly express their helplessness ( not know what to do now for no one can count ), because with each new reaction do not know whether the next not worse.

Godzisz, in the interests of myself because I do not know what will happen next, you are afraid that the next reaction simply can not endure. In fact expect the worst.

Am I right? Your

submissiveness is quite a natural reaction. Natural, however, completely ineffective. How many natural reflexes.

So the question is whether you can change it?

Let me give an example.

practiced in his youth endurance sports - Canoeing High Performance. Primary objective is to strengthen training canoeists their strength. In summer the strength increases in water, in winter the most common practice is a training race.

One of the interesting ways to strengthen the resistance is called. Cooper test. Cooper test involves continuous running for 12 minutes and assessment of your distance. The way to goes the longest distance is to maintain a steady rhythm . Running at a distance and not on time (because it is immutable) at some time going through energy crises, which, given the steady pace, mostly to encourage you to break the sample.

crisis begins innocently - you run out of breath, you feel that your muscles do not give advice to work longer, do you like dark before my eyes, feel the pain, and here too there is a natural reaction - an idea interrupt attempt, withdrawal, fear associated with the strengthening of the crisis. Athletes

but not forgiven. They know that the last phase of the crisis is the next phase of mobilization - the feeling of new strength it takes effect.

crisis intensifies, yes, but the trick is that to survive it, because then it's easier.

Similarly, to cope with the reaction of the other in the face of our denial.

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross - Swiss psychologist, developed a model of emotional response that people go to learn about it, they are dying. This model by William Ury should also be used as a tool to facilitate coping with the emotional reaction caused our interlocutor our refusal. Knowledge of this model will allow us to effectively deal with the pressure.

Emotions our interlocutor in the face of refusal to pass through five phases. And these are successively

1. denial
2. anger
3. bargaining (negotiating)
4. depression
5. acceptance

To cope with the pressure it should be simply to survive, remembering that the last phase of a difficult emotional response is to accept the caller of our decision.

So you have to survive, looking forward to the last phase, because this is precisely your goal. Let us persevere

with their decisions. We owe the crew of the Challenger.

Remain in their decisions, you owe it to yourself.

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Assertiveness in practice: respect for their rights - Bus Success at the request of

To demystify the universal association of assertiveness with the ability to recite only decided to look at everyday situations in which assertive stance may prove to be useful.

thus I give you specific guidelines for assertive behavior.

Well, let me start from a situation in which assertiveness relates to your actions in defense of your rights.

This is the first situation:

you drove a bus. You press the button on the request and passing by the bus driver and did not even slow down.

What to do?

Exactly what to do? As always, you have several exits. Your action will depend on how far / near is the next stop, but also on what is your attitude to its own laws and rights of others.

To make it easier for us to suppose that the next stop is very far away.

Thus:

first You can assume that even though the bus is far more useful for you to walk and not doing anything a little ride. If you choose this option will keep the passively. ignore their own laws, respecting the right of the driver - the right to error.

second You can also assume that you need it instead of walking a little bit of adrenaline, the driver guide nierządnego alleged nature of the work of his mother or a guide to separating your social divide ("You probably do not know who you are dealing"). If you choose this option will keep the aggressive - stand up in defense of their rights, ignoring the right of the driver.

third You can also (especially in a crowded bus) Comment współpasażerom driver behavior, in the spirit of hoping that your monologue about the conspiracy theory of history in buses MZA universal cause a stir, thanks to which the driver realizes that should stop immediately. If you choose this option - keep up manipulacyjnie - used others to defend their rights.

4 is still possible - you can keep up assertively.

assertive action In this situation, is going to reconcile your rights and the rights of the driver.

To be able to work with your head so you should recognize the rights of people involved in the problem situation. This is the first step. Call it recognition.

Diagnosis

Recognize your rights, responding to the question "whether I was entitled to stop on demand" and recognize the rights of the other side by asking yourself the question "whether the driver had the right not to notice my request."

rights Diagnosis is a very important step - lets you keep in mind that both sides are equal.

If you hesitate because they're used to attract the attention of a stranger or a bus full of people we helped you to your decision. You will be confident that it will take you and not your fear. So

Ask yourself the question defining the decision problem, "which I prefer - ask the driver's attention, whether to go 2 km on foot" and decide.

will be able to go to the next step, unless you have going on foot ...

Preparation

Before the action you should have a plan, assertiveness is the action of the head.

So you have to answer the question "What do I get?", Because without it you can unnecessarily waste your energy.

It is very important so I carefully listen to their responses.

If you hear "get out as quickly as possible," you can go to the next step.

But if you hear "show him (the driver), where the crabs hibernate" is in the interests of his health back to the first step, and repeating the procedure remember what you wanted to get the press "on demand". This will help for sure.

Action

This is the easiest step of assertive action.

Going through the first two steps dbałeś for your comfort, time to take care of your effectiveness - the realization of what you have established.

will attain its goal is to communicate what you care about having the right driver for the error and possible bans stopping up.

"I turned on the button on the request, but you probably did not notice. Please stay on the first occasion where would you stand? "

or consistently Remember, remember your goal, so beware of questions like" Could you stop? "Because they provoke up to tell you NO.

Easy right?

not only easy. Also beneficial.

Assertive response is not merely allow you to get the best effect, but also positively affect your emotions, an omission stop on demand is not a "scandal", the reason to insult the driver nor the opportunity to poison współpasażerom life just is not worth anything to worry about - so try to take care of their rights and just forget about everything.

Because that's the point.

PS: If you have an interesting situation about which you would like more assertive action model, please send me information on the contact (s) Bart-stolarczyk.pl - I'm happy to help you describe it on his blog (I assure you complete discretion.)

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Poles: prof. Henryk Skarzynski

In mid September 2009 Prof. Henryk Skarzynski - otolaryngologist, who was the first in Central Europe has a cochlear implant to restore hearing a deaf person, believed to be a doctor, who in his practice, has the largest number of operations to restore the hearing, made the lead with implantation of miniaturized implant speech processor in children, so that three children (the oldest is to suddenly 19 months) begun to hear.

Success Professor. Skarzynski is particularly successful because the children of this age have an increased need for networking, imitate sounds, babbling. So early intervention allows the normal development of deaf children-children hear and learn to speak.

Is not to proud ...?

PS If you think something is worth to note, you think something can be our Polish pride and too little we speak of it, please let me know - send mail to contact (a) Bart-stolarczyk.pl

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successes of the Poles: Polish national shame

Which country such Dr. House today sounded on the radio commentary on the arrest for drunk driving one actor, playing in a series of a doctor.

No, I do not want to write about driving drunk. I want to write about something that fills me with disgust like - Polish national shame.

Wherever we are not ashamed to look at everything.

changing residence abandon regionalisms, talking to foreigners, we apologize for our English, Polish Foreign wear brand names (Ginno Rossi, Reserved, House), the irresponsibility of one actor gets called nationwide-alhoholowej generalization, and the heads of foreign trips Member comments cause "these people bring shame Poland."

No, I am not a supporter of the head of State. I think however, that the Germans, Frenchmen, Spaniards did not preoccupy the heads of the scarecrow on the naughty children, "what will people say?" Raised to the nationwide power.

Not only did they.

when I lived in the Balkans (Serbia, Bosnia and Herzegovina) captivated me, the ease with which people can sympathize with how they live, where they come from, what dialect they use, and are proud of the fact that it was the Serbs the first in Europe, used a knife and fork.

there was not easy.

Why can not it be so in our country. Or maybe ... after all, it just depends on us.

so I put a goal - to promote Poland reason to be proud of the Poles.

No, I'm not a nationalist, I am far wszechpolskość, wszechwarszawskość wszechmogącości and conviction.

not close to others. Simply contrary. As a coach I find assertiveness simply that we can not respect anyone, you do not respect each other.

So I decided to write about the Polish reasons of pride.

Another time the plaintiff first.

PS If you think something is worth to note, you think something can be our Polish pride, and too little to talk about it, please let me know - send mail to contact (and ) Bart-stolarczyk.pl

This is our pride - shared.

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Interesting terms: The Book Review

values \u200b\u200bare all important to us. Lend us the direction and responsible for motivation. There are reasons why we take action.

family, development, career, self-determination, security, money, entertainment, spirituality, acceptance of others they are just a few examples.

Despite such great importance, our values \u200b\u200bare often unconscious, and give of yourself know the most in situations of internal conflict.

Do you also think that learning languages \u200b\u200bis an important thing? Often I ask this question on my training and what's interesting I never heard answers - I do not think .

And did you ever learn a language and not learn it? - carry on. Oh yes ! - Fall response (you too answer. Go ahead - I am also so I have - I learned 13 languages \u200b\u200bof which I know all of a sudden 3).

Why do not you learn English / Italian / French / German? - I ask, and the participants almost as responding: Because I'm lazy, did not feel like I have not seen the need , with each new response blaming more and more.

Are you too so you have? Are you also occurred to blame yourself?

It's very interesting, because you're not lazy, however, did not you do not want, you are a victim of the conflict, which, as the revolution devours its own children.

Knowledge of foreign languages \u200b\u200band the rest - Your value of nothing Kargul Pawlak began to argue, and the more I wrangled, the more one does not remember what they went and who was right.

either won, she put on her, but despite winning, and so can not triumph, because what a triumph it does not bring satisfaction. And even though the entire conflict has developed in you, you also do not triumph, because you're a victim.

've become a victim, because I ran out of your decision. Ran out of the decision, because this even if it is not always accurate source of pride.

Why write about this? I am writing this because awareness of our values \u200b\u200bis of extreme importance for the resolution of internal conflicts.

What is important to me? Are my values \u200b\u200bbe reconciled? Which of the two values \u200b\u200bis a priority? If I had to resign from the value of either, which would you choose? These are questions that allow you to make informed decisions, which are always better than a twist of fate.

decisions are nevertheless always a source of pride.

awareness of our values \u200b\u200bis also important in relationships with other people, particularly in the context assertiveness.

Self-determination, and companionship (friendship) are frequent brakes locking people before saying a simple NO.

Here, too, when the conflict is growing alone, probably one of the sides wins, disgust, however, consumes both parties disgust consumes you - the most concerned.

say no - you feel guilty, say so - do you feel used, and all because of the lack of decision. Interesting is not it?

Fortunately, you can always choose. You can help yourself, so ask: What is important to me? Are my values be reconciled? Which is more important? If I had to resign, from whence the values \u200b\u200bwhich would you choose?

Ask and take decisions, because here is the whole point.

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Marcus Buckingham, "Use your strengths,"

Good team member is doing everything expected of him to help the team.

Do you also believe this? If so, congratulations. This shows your responsibility, respect for others, willingness to work as a team.

You are probably also in the majority. 91% of survey respondents cited by Marcus Buchingama signed up to this thesis.

All it would be fun if not a little but. Placed in the introduction, the thesis is very unfair myth. Myth stands at the root of many unsuccessful teams. Myth, the maintenance costs and you.

Indeed, what do you do when a team expects from you actions, which does nothing you can derive satisfaction? You say it is work, biting his teeth and doing what we expect from you, drawing satisfaction from their devotion and loyalty. Commendable, but less effective and not very assertive.

Use your strong hand in the pages of the book reads with such a title Marcus Buckingham encouraging the reader as to promote own strengths in a professional environment.

Talk about your strengths to let others know where they can rely on you. Good team member gives of themselves for what can give you the best. This is particularly important in the context of assertiveness - teach others how you want to be treated, teach others what you care about.

If you care to derive more satisfaction from work, devote themselves to activities that bring you satisfaction in the book Buchinghama find tools to identify your strengths and present them to others so that your team can make the most of your potential.

Step by step you will learn how to identify your strengths, encourage others to use them and how to take the help of others to minimize the number of tedious tasks and de-motivate you.

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William Ury, "The power of positive not"

Let us learn from the trees they can hold their heads high encourages Ury in "Strength is not positive," presenting an unusual model of assertive refusal. Tell me so I said no to others, saying no other connecting you to say yes relations.

That's your roots - a reference to what is important to you - a reference to your values allows you to record strength, gather up the courage because the stronger will be your motives, the stronger will be your limits.

Your not a trunk - so should be strong and straight. So be sure of your korzennie. Know what you want to create what you want to protect, know what you want to change, saying "No". There will not be able to dissuade you from the time of its decision.

That's not all. Say Yes

relations linking you - take care of fruit. Show respect because this always pays off.

"The power of positive not" provide the tools to make permanent decisions to protect Twojew intery also by understanding the decision-making processes of your callers, trying to persuade you to change the decision.

Ury, referring to studies Elisabeth Kübler-Ross showing the emotional reaction of people radzących the tragic news (eg news that die) shows how the "acceptance curve (1st Avoiding Denial 2nd 3rd 4th Anger Anxiety fifth Negotiations 6th 7th Sadness accepted) can help deal with the emotional response in the face of your caller's refusal to help you to more effectively protect your decisions.

Say so myself and read this book.

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Bernardo Carducci, "Shyness"

are shy if you think you're so - that's the definition of shyness proposed by Bernardo Carducci.

This book is special. No shows for cheap tricks, does not give advice like "try, try to be courageous," but promotes shyness. It promotes a positive shyness. Shyness with high self-esteem.

Positive shyness by Carducci is a state of acceptance of themselves and their rate of creation of interpersonal relationships. Positive shyness is something that no longer bothered, something which has no effect on your self-esteem.

Shyness Carducci shows you how to get rid of her shyness accepting effectively. Is not that's about it?

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